I can write this blog because i can say with pretty good certainty that no one I actually know reads it...

The other day I was going around the community I often work in and came upon someone's house who's daughter was dying of AIDS... to be honest I've seen tons of people dying of AIDS it does not affect me anymore sad to say, but this girl was different... She was very smart, spoke very clearly and you could tell she was beautiful even though she was the the stage of AIDS where she was pretty much a skeleton. She could no longer walk and was bed ridden, she has a daughter that is about a year old and is thankfully healthy... or so it seems.

I think the reason seeing this girl affected me more than usual was most people you see with HIV are not the most educated, generally not the best looking people around either to be honest, a lot of them have been on drugs which is how they ended up getting HIV, and though i do feel sorry for them (and at first every person I saw with HIV greatly troubled me) now It's like I've seen so many, and heard so many incredibly sad stories I didn't think anything I saw could phase me.

Also the guy I was with told me a year ago she was working and full of energy, when I saw her in person I could imagine her that way, full of energy. I don't know, I'd love to go back and spend more time talking to her but i'm not sure how i'd react afterward, In one way it's kinda refreshing to feel this way though because for a while I kinda felt dead inside, like nothing would ever phase me again, but now i dont feel that way at all.

anyways... this was just random chatter...

so I'm going to continue with random chatter... only on a slightly different subject... but kinda the same...

My roommate is a Zulu, and after living with him for a while I can see how HIV spreads so fast in Africa... Men are not expected to be faithful to their wifes or girlfriends so they can pretty much just have sex with anyone they want... kinda... I'm not 100% sure how it works... but a lot of them have several wives and then some girls on the side... very odd...

anyways last night I was waken up at 3am by the sounds of very loud and high pitched moaning... at first i thought someone was being attacked, but then I realized my roommate was getting it on and after about 30 minuets of not being able to sleep because of the constant moaning they finally stopped... then I woke up this morning... and they were doing it again... then I came home for lunch... and they were doing it again...

Im debating on weather or not I should tell him to keep it down... or move it somewhere else because its not actually something I want to hear ... anyways if you actually read this i'm amazed...sometimes I just need to write... vent... get things out that I dont want people I know to actually read...